Appropos the low birthweight study I discussed in my previous post, our third child, Yeshe, who was born on Dec 30th, 2007, was low birthweight. She was born full term, at home, after a calm, smooth labor. So calm in fact that she was born with her sac intact, what is traditionally referred to as in the caul. Midwives have told me this is a sign of wisdom, psychic insight, and even spiritual teachings, while another friend set me a clipping from an early 20th century memoir that talked about how ship captains would take a caul with them to the sea for good luck. I hope this gift serves Yeshe, which means wisdom in Tibetan, well.
Will Yeshe experience any sequelae of her low birthweight? And how did she come to be low birthweight? I ate like a horse during my pregnancy and gained 35 pounds. Her weight---5 lb, 10 oz---is a mystery as is so much in life.
The question my husband and I recently debated was---should we tell Yeshe that she was low birthweight? Or would we pathologize her by showing this concern? We decided that this information was only relevant on a need to know basis. Sure, she'd get her birth certificate, but unless mentioning her birthweight was relevant to an ongoing health issue, why burden her? Then we thought about our twins---who were born at 26 weeks and are now 3.5. The same strategy could apply---unless they need to know about their prematurity because of an ongoing health issue, why bring it up?
On the flip side, I also think that when they are older---teenagers? in college?---I might talk about their NICU stay, but always keeping in mind that it is MY experience of the NICU that I would be relating, not theirs, which will always remain a mystery to me (and perhaps) them.
What do you think--- where do we draw the line between helpful information and pathologizing our kids? How much is our experience of prematurity as parents relevant to our kids and when and how do we choose to share with them? For more on this topic see the post in The Preemie Experiment.
4 comments:
1) Congratulations! She's just lovely. December 30 is a lovely day to be born. ;^)
2) We have told Shoshanna about her prematurity - it's part of her experience, part of who she is even without any ongoing health/developmental problems. We have explained it to her in terms she can understand - when she was born she was a teeny tiny baby and she had to stay in the hospital where the doctors and nurses took care of her until she was big enough to come home and live with us. She knows that she needed tubes to help her breathe and eat. (Upon seeing NICU pictures of herself, she will declare "that's me with tubes.") We're an Ambassdor Family for March of Dimes, so we have pretty much put ourselves in the position of her knowing about it. Her prematurity has such long-lasting impacts on US that I don't think it would be fair to hide it from her.
Just traced my way back to your blogs after shooting off that email. What a sweetie, Yeshe! Hope you are enjoying a new round of motherhood, and all the best to your family. Dec 30 is my stepmother's birthday (and my mom's is Dec 31, ironically/coincidentally?). How 'bout that.
Congratulations!
Congratulations on the birth of your daughter!
We have told our preemie (IUGR 29 1/2 weeks, now 7) all about her history. It is part of who she is. She does not seem to have any lasting impacts, but we had to tell her, if only to explain her baby pictures to her. She thinks it's cool to see the doll size diapers and to know that the preemie clothes in WalMart were too big for her when she was born. We are matter of fact about it, so she is too.
Paula
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